what is going on?

what is going on with caleb these days? he's having serious going-to-sleep issues. not every time, but occasionally. we'll lay him in his crib like usual and instead of just playing for a while or fussing for a little bit, he will start screaming-crying. like he's in pain.

and i don't know why.

at first i considered an ear infection and that maybe it hurt to be horizontal... but he keeps screaming even after he's sat himself up in bed or is standing up holding onto the sides. all he wants is to be in our arms. at first, we thought something was wrong, so we would go to him. but once it became evident that it was just a game for him, we thought we should just let him cry for about 5 minutes to see if he stopped. so we did. and the cried so hard he threw up. so now of course i don't want to do that again. what is going on?! i want him to go back to putting himself to sleep but i also want him to be safe.

and it's all about what i want, right? oy.

maybe God is trying to teach me something.