community...

i've been learning a lot about community recently. especially about how much i need it. how much we all need community - people who love us and help (read: force) us confront our need for change.

sometimes i don't like learning about this. in fact, a few days ago i actually told troy that we needed to switch churches. i was (mostly) kidding. see, our church is great. it challenges me not just on sunday mornings but all through the week. my community groups are full of people who actually want to be involved in my life and help me become a better reflection of God. and sometimes i hate that. sometimes i wish i could just be alone. that i wouldn't have to grow and that i wouldn't have to help anyone else grow. it's scary... i don't want to lose friends or make things uncomfortable. but really, what kind of friend would i be if i let someone i love go down a path that isn't healthy for them. not a very good one.

besides being scary, though, community is also amazing. one of our factors in switching churches last winter was that we wanted to be at a place where caleb could learn about community. that he could learn how the body of Christ loves and serves. and the best way for him to learn about it was to see us participate. and i think that's actually happening. we have friends we can talk with, pray with, serve, and just be. these are the kind of people i want caleb to grow up knowing. and i love that. it's amazing how quickly i've felt cared about and i have never been around people who were so amazingly transparent. it makes me feel like i know them, even though it's been such a short time.

i know this isn't always the case. in fact, a lot of people have felt the opposite of love from christians. and i have, too. but for me, rather than make me run away or get bitter, it's made me crave the real thing even more. and now i'm getting a taste of that. which is scary. and beautiful.