don't ask me how i'm doing

when i'm asked how these last couple of weeks of pregnancy are going, i typically say something like "i've been better" or "i'm hangin' in there". i guess both of them are true, but i'm mostly just saying them to avoid an emotional melt down in public.
i'm in so much pain, i can't even begin to explain it. i know that the last few weeks of any pregnancy are full of discomfort and pain, but i'm pretty sure this is outside the range of normal. some women (me included during my last pregnancy) try walking to stimulate labor. i can't even get in and out of bed without help. some go through a wonderful nesting period in preparation for their little one. i can't even make it from one room to another in our little condo without stopping for support. it's getting worse and worse. yesterday, i couldn't even leave my house because a) i couldn't make it down three flights of stairs and b) i can't move my legs well enough to drive.
i think i've been trying to just play it off as pregnancy pain and trying to be strong. but today i started doing a bit of research and i'm starting to think i may have a broken or bruised coccyx. that would explain a lot... the horrible pain, the difficulty moving, the intense swelling, etc. i might be wrong, but i just have to find some reason (other than 9 months of pregnancy) for this pain i'm feeling, or i'm not sure how i'll ever work up the nerve to do this again!
thank you to all the people who have stepped up to help me out with caleb or around the house. thank you for all of you who are praying for me and for Alia to come soon. and please, don't ask me how i'm doing, just know that answer is "horribly" and i'm not sure when it will change.

mommy's belly

caleb loves talking about my big baby belly. recently he's been interested in measuring it with his little elephant tape measure (just like the one my midwives use!). one day he measured the table and it was "3...4". then he measured my belly, "5...6". so apparently my tummy is bigger than a coffee table. i mean, i knew i was big, but furniture big?! then later, when i asked him how big mommy's belly is, he replied, "13!!", which is the biggest number he knows :) that's like a kindergartner saying "1 million" or a smart alec kid saying "infinity plus 1".

caleb's also been fascinated recently by my belly button. at first, he was a little unsure why it looked so different from what he thought a belly button should look like. so i explained that ali makes my belly and belly button look different, a little funny. so now he calls my belly button an "ali button".

my two companions

discomfort and exhaustion are my two constant companions right now. and they feed off of each other. i can sleep only if i'm too exhausted to pay attention to the discomfort. so, if i take a nap to help with the exhaustion, discomfort wins at night. but if i don't take a nap, the discomfort is so much harder to bear during the day.
only three more weeks, give or take!

maternity dresses

hate. them. on. me.
there are lots of super-cute maternity dresses and i often admire how lovely women look when wearing them. and then i try one on. yuck.
i think the problem is how i carry babies. i actually like how i carry them... straight out in front. pretty much i don't get bigger anywhere other than my belly. this causes some other issues such as major stretch marks and a hard time getting rid of said baby belly. but it's the way my body works, and i like it. in fact, i actually think i look kind of cute in normal maternity clothes (except for the fact that now most of them aren't long enough to cover my belly). but not dresses. my theory is that since i stick out so far in front, dresses just hang funny and make me look and feel like a big boat.
the reason this is all coming up right now is that i have a wedding to go to of a dear friend from high school. it's in two weeks, so i'll be at 38 weeks pregnant. i've been asking around for a cute dress to borrow and have received many options. yesterday, i even got to see a picture of one i could borrow and it looked perfect. so i borrowed it today and tried it on. it looked so good on the gal in the picture! but not on me. sigh. maybe i should just be thankful that i even have some options for clothes that can fit rather than complaining about how they look. but it's a wedding, is it too much to ask to look cute??

how i'm feeling

lots of people have been asking me how i'm feeling, being that i'm 34 weeks pregnant and waddling around i could pop any day now. i'll be honest, this is rough on me. a lot more rough than my pregnancy with caleb. that's probably due to not getting back into as good of shape between pregnancies, having to chase after a 22 month old, and not getting to just lay around the house all day letting my body and joints relax. i feel a lot of joint and pelvic pain mainly, with the occasional kick to the round ligament. and i even had my first braxton hicks contraction (never did with caleb)... an event that i've been told is likely just the beginning. oh, and did i mention i'm not sleeping well because apparently alia has her days/nights switched. so yeah, i'm quite uncomfortable. the good news, though, is that i'm learning to take care of myself a bit better and not push it. also, i'm getting more and more ready to meet this precious little girl of mine!

one week...

and then i'll have a verdict on the whole iron situation. next wednesday i'll get my blood drawn and then, most likely, i'll get a call back the next day with the results. i guess i don't even really know all the options. i know that if the levels hold steady then i'm ok... maybe they'll need to check a few more times throughout the pregnancy. but if i drop (with taking all the supplements and doing all the right stuff), then i guess i'll be looking for an OB again. oy. i'll let you know.

crazy alia

seriously, she's crazy. i can already see her moving... not just feel her, but see her. she's already found both my lungs and my bladder. i swear caleb took a lot longer than this. i hope she gets all her crazy wiggling and squirming out now while she's still little!
on another note, though, i'm getting really excited to meet her. i'm scared, too, but the excitement is starting to overwhelm my fears. i wonder what she'll look like, if she'll have dimples and curly hair, what color her eyes will be, and if she'll have my feet or troy's (we're praying for troy's). i wonder if i can force purple as her favorite color or if i'll have to settle for pink. i wonder what her first word will be and what animals she'll like. i wonder how she'll be like troy, like me, and like caleb. i can't wait to meet the little miss!

iron

my mom was anemic when she was pregnant so i knew it was a very good possibility that it would be the same for me. sure enough, in my first pregnancy, after my 28-week blood draw, i got a call. "your iron is low." and not just a little low, either. it was enough that they told me to go right to a pharmacy, get some iron tablets, and start taking a double dose that very day. i figured it would be similar this time around. what i didn't know, though, was how much it could impact me.
i had my first blood draw at about 16 weeks. already low (the level was 33.3 if that means anything to anyone). so, i ate a LOT of spinach (spinach salad, spinach pasta, spinach and egg salad, spinach with humus, etc), drank tea made out of rose hips (actually quite good), and ate a lot of dried fruit. so i was hopeful that at my 20 week appointment, the level would have at least held steady. no such luck (dropped to 30.something). it's apparently not a good thing that it dropped so much in such a short time. and that the diet did absolutely no good. so, i bought an herbal supplement and i'm getting an over-the-counter supplement, too. and while i'm not thrilled about having to take all of that, it's not a big deal... except...
here's the bad news. if my iron levels don't "iron" out (ha ha) i can't have an out-of-hospital birth. and i really like my midwives and the birth center and i don't want to have to switch. so here's praying these supplements do their thing!

pink lemonade please

the other day, i was totally craving some pink lemonade. and i had to go to the store anyway so i figured i'd pick some up. no such luck. i somehow chose a store that didn't have pink lemonade. instead, i ended up with 1 bottle of sweetened sparkling water flavored with pink grapefruit, 1 bottle of sparkling regular lemonade, and 1 bottle of regular grapefruit juice. which one do you think hit the spot? which one satisfied my craving? definitely NOT the first one. it was actually kind of gross. the second was good and i did drink the whole thing that night. but it was actually the regular grapefruit juice that filled my need. and the best part is that now i get to have it every morning for breakfast!

it's a GIRL

wow. i'm surprised... even more than i thought i would be. but excited, too, about a whole new world of parenting and purple! we've decided to name her Alia Marie. the first name means "The LORD is my God" and the middle name has been passed down to daughters since my Gammy (grandma). i love the reminder in the first name that it's the LORD who should be God and i pray that Alia will come to know Him early and with a single-hearted devotion. and i'm so looking forward to her knowing and learning about the women who have had her middle name.

now that i know it's a girl, i've developed my own theory about how to tell if i'm having a boy or a girl.
craving citrus: both
craving pringles and other chips: boy
craving any and all sweet things, especially chocolate: girl
craving italian: boy
craving hambers: girl
throwing up occasionally: boy
so nauseous i wish i could throw up: girl
sick in the morning: boy
sick in the morning and evening with occasional afternoons: girl

so now i'll never wonder again :)

tomorrow's the big day

the day we find out if the old wives tales (which said i have a 60% chance of having a girl) are right or not. a boy would be more practical (as in all the right clothes in all the right sizes, decorating the shared room, etc.) and i've always pictured myself have at least a couple of boys before any girls. but i sure would love a girl someday... and i'm even finding a few names i like... so maybe now's the time. i am leaning toward boy, but maybe just because that's what i'm used to. i don't know... i won't be shocked either way. just a wonderful surprise!
as far as names go, well, we're still working on it. we had a boy name. it was one i loved loved loved. but then i found out it is in the top 5 most popular boy names. and i just don't want him to have the same name as everyone else. so, while we may still choose it, we're entertaining other options. the nice thing is that we have LOTS of boy names we like and can imagine as a part of our family. for girls, more difficult. we don't really have a name we love right now. some we like, but none that we're sure of. and it's been hard finding one that meets all our criteria. i just really want to be able to start calling him/her by name. and for others to do the same. so hopefully soon!
i'm actually really excited about going for the ultrasound tomorrow. except that our babysitter had something come up so caleb will be joining us... making for an interesting time for troy :) i just love the place where my midwives are sending me. there are stars (little twinkle lights) on the ceiling. and i get my own monitor so i don't have to crane my neck to see what the tech is seeing. and the techs are awesome and send you home with LOTS of pictures. if i can get my hands on a scanner, i'll post a couple up soon.

welcome annelie!

last night, my sister had her baby! it was a long and exhausting labor that started sunday evening and didn't end until late tuesday night. although everything was progressing as is usual, it was simply taking twice the amount of time as usual... or more. hanell was so strong and so brave and did a great job, despite the fact that she didn't have any sleep or much food. i was getting regular updates from my dad, who was in the waiting room.

my favorite part was when dad called me to say annelie had been born. he was standing outside the delivery room with his ear pressed to the door. he heard the midwife saying "the head is coming" and the wonderful "one more push". he heard the announcement of "IT'S A GIRL" (which is when he called me) and the first, very loud, cry. it wasn't until later that he could call back to give me size details (8lbs, 2oz, and 22.5in) and the official name (annelie grace).

and, while i was talking to dad, hearing the good news, i felt my own new little baby move for the first time. soon it will be my turn!

how i told troy we would have "two under two" (barely)...

things that make me sick (during this pregnancy)

not eating, eating too much, waiting too long to eat, the smell of eggs, the smell of hot dogs, thinking about the smell of eggs or hot dogs, chewy bagels, coughing, dancing, etc. it's been a rough first trimester, that's for sure!

i'm back...

partly i was busy, what with christmas and all. partly, i just didn't know where to start with all the super-fun stories of caleb at this age (16 months is my new favorite). mostly, though, i'm pregnant! so i've been spending down time resting and trying not to get sick and avoiding telling the whole world that we're having another baby. but i'm starting to feel better now and we just had our first appointment and got to hear the little one's amazing heart beating away like crazy. so i think i'll be back to semi-regular blogging now... and boy do i have stories to share!

how is this possible?

here's my sister's 20 week pregnancy picture.

and here's mine (from when i was pregnant with caleb... no news here)

The Business of Being Born

my sister sent me the link to a great documentary called The Business of Being Born. it's all about the medical industry and how maybe doctors and hospitals are not doing what is best for delivering mothers. i found the documentary to be biased toward midwives and home births, but the facts that it presented were hard to deny. and i felt very validated by what it was presenting. to explain why, i'd better share my birth story...

caleb was due on august 20th, but i was not surprised when the 20th came and went because my mom always carried her kids longer than expected (i was about 2 weeks late). usually my doctor doesn't let women go longer than a week overdue but we she was out of town the week of the 20th so we scheduled an induction for the 29th. i had an ultrasound that week to make sure that the placenta was still looking good and caleb didn't show any signs of distress. everything was wonderful. now i look back and wish someone had told me that i could say "no" to the induction. i would have liked to give it a full 2 weeks. but i didn't know... and i trusted my doctor.

i went into the hospital and they started pitocin. which i hated. contractions are supposed to start out more slowly but not mine. i went from none to minute-long contractions with at most 30 seconds in between. it was awful. after about 4 hours of that they checked me and i was still only dilated to a 6 and was not making any progress. i chose to get an epidural so that i could rest a bit. it helped (mostly on one side of my body), but i didn't like that now i was confined to bed for the rest of the labor. one thing just led to another. external monitoring wasn't enough so i was given an internal contraction monitor as well as internal fetal heart rate monitor. awful. and caleb wasn't doing so well with the hard contractions of the pitocin. so they stopped the pitocin but it wasn't getting better. to make a long story shorter, i was scheduled for a c-section but at the last minute caleb's heart rate increased, they started pitocin again, and i was allowed to labor on my own for a while longer. finally, after about 2.5 hours of pushing, i was a mom!

i guess what was hard for me was that i felt one intervention (pitocin) led to another which led to another and it was a huge downward spiral. now, i appreciate doctors and all the amazing medical interventions we have, but i truly believe my body would have been able to give birth without all that extra "stuff" getting in the way. and that's what the documentary pointed out... how amazing a woman's body truly is and how they were designed to give birth. i felt like all the frustration and confusion i felt during my labor was explained by the documentary.

lest anyone think it was all bad, let me tell you of a few high points. some amazing nurses fought for me to not have a c-section. my doula, merrell, helped more than words can describe. troy was an amazing support and partner to me throughout the entire ordeal. God sustained my spirits and answered prayers left and right. i have an amazing and healthy son. and i've learned a lot. next time, i'll be getting a midwife and probably delivering at a birth center.

so anyway, for those of you still reading... it's an interesting documentary. you should check it out.

smells

i have a bad sense of smell... REALLY bad. i can't tell if milk has gone bad, if we pass by a skunk on the side of the road, if someone has had garlic for lunch, or if something is burning. this can be a bad thing, for sure, but sometimes it can be good. like not being able to smell dirty diapers or morning breath. anyway, while i was pregnant, my sense of smell became much more acute. i learned that chocolate chips have a smell... and i don't like it. and cinnamon smells amazing!! i was hopeful that after being pregnant maybe my sense of smell wouldn't go all the way back to how it was before. but today, while getting dinner in the crock pot, i realized that i couldn't really smell the difference between cumin and chili powder. i've officially lost any gains i made. sigh...